Life Changing Times

George Michael is soulfully blaring in the background as I sit in Sami Abdul Rahman Park in Erbil. Immensely enjoying my fresh orange and pomegranate juice andthe sun on my face

The men, less so. It is such an incredibly male dominated, and male privileged, culture. On my walk today in less populated parts of the park I have passed at least 20 men, some in groups, some alone. All staring. Casual stares often, but clear about their right to act whatever way they feel or want, towards women.

It’s the same anywhere you go. Predominantly men everywhere and always with that ‘I can do whatever the fuck I want’ underlying vibe. Because they can. Its not overtly aggressive, nor is it harassment – it’s just quietly there

And I really fucking hate it. I’ve lived, travelled and worked in far more patriarchal and threatening places, but weirdly in somewhere like Somalia I never felt this in the same way. But I have in some parts of North Africa, much worse than here, and some other Middle Eastern countries.

There’s a constant and very real feeling that women don’t even warrant being second class citizens. You’d be lucky if a man noticed you struggling with bags or shopping and opened a door, a courtesy they would do automatically for another man. When I landed at the airport I had one huge bag, one small – the person collecting me took the small one.

It’s where I’m delighted I’m older and have short, grey hair. To be clear, I’m delighted all the time of both of those things, but especially so here. I get very little negative attention and no harassment – I was with a younger female colleague the other day and I saw all the looks, from blatant leering to just stating.

It’s not that people are not kind here, and respectful in many ways. Which I appreciate sounds like a contradiction, but it’s not. It’s that the entire culture is built around and dominated by men.