Life Changing Times

We are so weird as humans. Not that I know what it’s like to be any other creature. Our resistance to change is enormous and powerful, in my case, despite myself.

I’m off to Iraq tomorrow and despite the usual deployment nonsense, I’ve been really keen to go and looking forward to it. Right up to last night. A friend told me recently the same thing happens to him, all gung ho until two days before when it all becomes shit – exactly this!

I love travel, I love adventure, new experiences and opportunities. I’m deeply passionate about all of these. Apparently not as passionate as I am about my bed and home comforts, however, according to my current state of emotions

I mean what the actual fuck?! Utter nonsense, I tell that voice as the emotional debate rages inside me. Fuck and off comes the reply ‘what about the dog??? You are abandoning the dog, she will be gutted’. My resolve weakens as I get teary over the dog.

No Oatly oat milk for my coffee where I’m going. My bed is soooo comfortable, bet the one there will be crap. How about all the TV shows I watch? My slippers won’t fit in the case.

Really and truly, and more than a little tragically, these are just a few of the thoughts flying around my head. All with associated emotions of sadness, upset and stubbornness, resisting the change with every fibre possible.

I confess, I am bringing my pillow with me. I caved. I love my pillow. Deeply, it seems.

I’m also strapping my HRT to my body to make sure it comes with me. My packing has involved 50% of must haves which I’m too embarrassed to even start listing – I’ve confessed about the pillow, that will do

The point is, our mind fucks with us. Tells us to resist change. To dig deeper into out comfort zones and stay put. The world out there is just too overwhelming, look at all the lovely things you have around you, your routines, habits. Never mind that they may also be dull, stifling and…routine.

Because breaking out of them is exhilarating. Let me rephrase – after you’ve made the break it’s exhilarating. The break for me at least, is emotional and frustrating as I don’t make sense to myself.

I know when I get there I’ll be thrilled. Excited by the new people, places, experiences – everything will be new and different and that is my soul food. It’s where I expand, where I exhale and soak it all in, where my mind comes alive.

Shaking off the comfort blanket of familiarity is immensely freeing. The last 2.5 years of COVID and personal health forced isolation, lack of travel, remotely working have shrunk my world and it’s soooo easy to get stuck there.

But, fuck that. I will head off today, sobbing at saying goodbye to my dog. Probably also sobbing at saying goodbye to my bed. And make sure I tap into that excitement, thrill of new experiences and opportunities and people.