Life Changing Times

I’m off to Kurdistan Iraq in a week – assuming flights are sorted out. I’ll be based in Erbil on and off for the next 3 months which I’m really looking forward to – amazing city and fascinating part of the world. And the icing on the cake is that I won’t be the one in overall charge – thank fuck. Its a gap fill position and I get to run one team, not all of them – something I haven’t done for a very long time and it’s bloody wonderful.

Deployments with agencies are always…interesting. You would think (I wouldn’t) that they are so used to sending people around the world that it’s a well oiled machine. A rusty, abandoned tractor is more often the reality.

This deployment team are much more on it than others – I have my contract and everything was confirmed within 48 hours which is impressive. I’m also impressive since I’m ridiculously efficient when it comes to this type of thing. And just like my comment about rusty tractor agencies, those of us who get deployed can be the rustiest of all.

I was told I need to get a health check, lucky I’ve spent most of the last 7 years getting checked, rechecked, remodelled and fine tuned. Note my continuity of machine/tractor themes. I am a finely tuned tractor.

Fill out this health form and get these tests, came the e-mail. Excellent. Make an appointment with Nomad Health. Even better. These forms take me quite a bit of time and effort given they always include a health history…

On the phone to Nomad to make the appointment, having to ask them what appointment I needed, both of us equally confused after two minutes. We muddled through and I have ended up with two appointments lasting 45 mins each – one all about vaccines. I don’t want or need any, but that seems to be besides the point

I e-mail the form as requested, only to be told that it’s the wrong one and can I fill in this one? Which is a shorter version of the one I already completed – as in, it’s contained in its entirety in the one I had already sent. Seemingly the one I sent will confuse the doctor as it’s the wrong one. I reply that I don’t want to see a doctor who will get this easily confused. We agree that this form will do.

Which brings me to HRT. Day 9 and my anxiety has gone – completely left. Nothing, nada – NO FUCKING ANXIETY. Hand on heart, I cannot remember the last time I did not feel anxious. Varying degrees, from crippling to gnawing, but ever present. I am in shock, good shock, but holy shit. The permanent knot in my gut has gone.

I’ve also slept the last 4 nights – 8 hours, barely waking and if I do, briefly and back to sleep. The anxiety and insomnia were best friends who have now buggered off, and I’m happily waving them goodbye.

A cold has replaced them, since Tuesday, and I’m pretty sure it’s my body going ‘thank fuck I’m no longer fuelled by anxiety driven adrenaline and can now slow down’. I also never get colds – I tend to go from well to hospitalised, so I’m really doing full on man flu here. It’s great. Moaning about feeling shit, eating my body weight of homemade chicken soup, staying in and whingeing. To my dog, mostly.

And it’s fucking great. I never get to moan about ordinary things – I always have to be extra, rise above the next body part to go or cope with a major bloody crisis. Right now I feel like my cold is the worst thing in the world, while still managing to laugh at myself in the background. Bemoan the sniffles, whinge about feeling shit after 5 days, wonder will it last forever, think I’m the only person in the world with a cold this long lasting.

And above all else, whine without a trace of anxiety, just pure and unadulterated self absorption.