Life Changing Times

As someone who is oblivious to 99% of media that is not political (and I only engage in the latter as little as I can), I missed the whole Davina McCall menopause campaign and related flurry.

I know it’s a hot topic, pun intended, which means it has in turn made its way to me and led me to have a look at my symptoms

My menopause was chemotherapy induced – second dose of chemo stopped my periods and brought it on, almost 8 years ago to the day. As my focus then was on staying alive and surviving the hell that was chemo, I paid little attention to it.

And since then, I have blamed this endless range of symptoms on the aggressive treatment I had – and much needed – for my successful breast cancer survival. Anything from aching joints, awful insomnia, brain fog, mood swings….I could go on.

I also blamed these symptoms on all the various life events from the ridiculous life I lead. COVID nearly took me out in March 2020, that could explain a lot of symptoms. The multiple surgeries over 2 years, maybe those. The toxic work environment- who the fuck can sleep while dealing with that?

Then in recent months, thanks to friends talking about their menopause journeys, I started to realise that perhaps this was the cause. That many of the chemo side effects during and since may well have not been chemo, but were in fact more likely to be menopause.

Having decided to again jump off the cliff, stop work, take a break, use the money from my house sale to do so, and calm the fuck down has meant I can see things more clearly. Removing all the external stressors means I can see that I still suffer from insomnia, the brain fog, fatigue, mood swings remain

So do the body temperature changes – never had traditional hot flushes, but I get hot unexpectedly. My joints and muscles hurt, despite constant physical training, And the anxiety – good fucking god, the anxiety is insane – I always thought it was just my mad life – but it’s not, it has an absolute life if it’s own. I could go on. Suffice to say, I tick most of the things in the long list of menopause symptoms

And I never had a clue. Part of being a survivor means you, well me at least, don’t really talk or give weight to things unless they are major. So I just got on with all of this, figuring that was life and on we go

But it’s not. So the next stage was talking to my GP. Who was helpful up until she wasn’t – because of my breast cancer history, she had to refer me to a menopause unit with a 9 month waiting list. Next step, I paid for the BUPA private menopause service and got an appointment with menopause specialised GP.

Who was lovely, agreed that I very much did need HRT, that it would be extremely beneficial but that she couldn’t prescribe it. Because of my history. Which I had stated in the form I had completed prior to the appointment.

Not one to give up easily, I not only managed to get a refund for that, I also found a doctor in Nottingham who is endorsed by the British Menopause Society and I confirmed that if we agreed, she could prescribe HRT. My breast cancer was not hormone receptive – some breast cancers are fuelled by oestrogen or progesterone or both – meaning adding these to your body afterwards is not a good idea. But mine was something called triple negative breast cancer, meaning triple hormone negative. It doesn’t meant there was 100% no hormones involved, it means if there are, they were minimal. All of this I knew when I embarked on this mission, but I wanted to arm myself with as much info and advice as I could.

So I contacted my surgical oncologist and she replied to my question about whether it was safe or not. We all know the scares and confusion as to whether HRT is a risk factor for breast cancer or not. And she told me the baseline is that they don’t know. In more detail, but that was the gist of it – I have always loved her for her honesty and pragmatism. She also didn’t say that it was definitely not safe, which is what a lot of the studies in the 70’s said, with newer studies contradicting that

She was spot on. We just don’t know because, as fucking always, not enough research has been done on something that affects 51% of the population. Weak research was done 40 years ago and taken as gospel. Hormones have changed, and all the rhetoric around this now reminds me of when the contraceptive pill was new. Not enough research and any that was done at the start was weak, resulting in scaremongering and insufficient evidence

So have weighed it up and will go for it. I saw the Nottingham doc virtually – well, in fact, I didn’t see her as she couldn’t get Zoom to work…I knew more about the breast cancer side than her, but that’s OK. She knew her shit on HRT and that’s what I needed her for.

I joined a few groups on HRT and have been researching like mad. I have learned that bio identical hormones carry far less risk, that body identical ones are new with some people promoting them, but there is insufficient evidence on their efficacy and safety. I have read the NICE guidelines (https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23 – you’re welcome) and I have armed myself with as much knowledge as I can absorb

And my vote has gone to improve my quality of life, physically and mentally, and go for HRT. There may be a risk, but I work very hard to mitigate other breast cancer risks, not having boobs is one, and I believe that if my quality of life improves, that can only be a good thing for overall health.

So at the end of my appointment on Thursday we agreed a plan of treatment and I was thrilled – third time lucky and all that. She said she’d send a 3 month supply, then also send details to my GP to carry it on – fantastic. The hospital pharmacy called me yesterday morning to confirm they would be sending it and I would have it today or Monday

Then I got another call at 4.30pm from the pharmacy to say that they had the whole prescription ready to go – but the Doctor had made a mistake on the prescription and they legally couldn’t send it until she corrected it. And, not their words, she had gone AWOL that afternoon, being a Friday…

I was literally tearful – did I mention irrational moods and emotions as part of the menopause? I could hear the trepidation in the woman’s voice as she was telling me, apologising profusely. While reassuring me they had all the medicines there, they just had to wait until Monday to get hold of the doctor.

It dawned on me after the call that they must have been sitting in the pharmacy drawing straws. Can you imagine? Who was going to call the wildly menopausal woman and tell her that the hormones she needed to stop being insane were delayed? This poor woman who got the short straw….I am very glad I managed to get it together half way through the call and say I understood it was not her fault and thank her for letting me know. Another time I could have just as easily lost it altogether – which she undoubtedly knew as the relief in her voice was palpable.