Life Changing Times

I’ve been clinically diagnosed as depressed/anxiety disorder (I feel I am generally disordered…) and both times they were chemically induced. The other common denominator was that I was with disordered men…I feel a theme coming on here.

The first time I was being treated for Hepatitis C, way back in the day when it was a new thing and no-one had a fucking clue what they were doing. So I pretty much designed my own treatment, which, miraculously worked. It involved injecting myself three times a week with a drug called Interferon for 9 months, which is basically like a low dose chemotherapy.

I was also in the throws of PTSD having recently come back from years of travelling in and out of Bosnia and Hercegovina and living with a man who has declared undying love somewhat randomly. I was so inured to any feelings outside of trauma I moved in with him without really thinking much about it. He then proceeded to have a nervous breakdown: I have that effect, apparently

Can’t really imagine why I was depressed/suffered with anxiety that time.

The second time I had breast cancer and felt that running an emergency response into Syria from Jordan was the best way to deal with that – at least during diagnosis, investigations and chemo. I then imported my partner, who I had met 2 weeks before I was diagnosed, and who, shall we say, had anger issues. Not only did I import him, I also employed him – #greatlifechoicesnot.

Oh look – same net effect as the first time. Back on anti depressants. Perhaps I should change from saying chemically induced to ‘bad life choices in men’ induced. Not as catchy, however.